Day 7 - This is Why I don't Like Mondays

Olivia: Do we have to live in fear of the camera slipping or you standing up Daisy?
Me: Very funny!  I can assure you that I'm fully clothed this morning.  As I explained to you in my email, there was an unfortunate incident with a bowl of cereal and I didn't want to be late to our meeting.
Antonio: You are sooo dedicated to this company Daisy.
Me: Thank you Antonio.
Antonio: Is Victoria joining us?
Olivia: No. She's being irrigated or something, but not to worry.  She asked me to tell you that we are aiming to launch our amaazing new product online by May.
Antonio: That is amaazing (excitedly clapping his hands).
Me: Really? Do you think that this is the right time to ……. Olivia,  what are you doing?
Olivia: What?
Me: Who's that? Are you getting your nails done?
Olivia: Oh that?  Yeah.  This is Shania, my nail technician.  Wave to them, Shania!
Shania: Hi!
Antonio: Hi Shania! Your hair looks amaazing!
Wtaf!
Me:  Does Shania live with you, Olivia?
Olivia:  Of course not, silly!
Me: Well don't you think it's a bit irresponsible? I mean, having people into your house.  We're on Lockdown.
Olivia: Oh my God, Daisy!  You're never satisfied. Last week you complained that I went into the office and now ….. what? Am I not supposed to have anyone into my house?
Me: No. Of course you're not, Olivia. It's called social distancing. Don't you watch the news?
Olivia: God no! The news scares me.  Let me tell you what I think is actually irresponsible: letting my nails get ruined after all the years of regular manicures. I've invested in these nails. Shania said that it would take years for them to get back on track if I didn't keep up with my appointments.  You should remember that, Daisy.
Antonio: Oh no! Really?
Me: Just ….. just tell me what you want me to do ….. to help with the launch please.
Olivia:  Ok.  I think it's important that we …….
Not gonna lie, she lost me at important cos at that moment, Antonio's super-ripped boyfriend walked into Antonio's little square of screen, and started chopping fruit behind him.  He was fully clothed (albeit in tight gym clothes) but hey, sitting at my dining room table listening to this pair wittering on - collagen this, bloody ceramides that …...blah blah - I had to take whatever crumbs of entertainment I could get. He put me in mind of a young Idris Elba, his strong hands working on a couple of plums, then ….. what were those ….. mmm ….. blueberries or blackcurrants?  They looked like …...
Olivia: Daisy..…… Daisy!
Me: Oh yeah, erm ..….. of course. Definitely!
Olivia: Great! So we're agreed on that then.  I'll check in with how we're all doing with all that at the end of the week then ….. saaaay …. Thursday or Friday?  I have to choose a colour now and Shania has brought her new 'Citric Rainbow' line with her for me to try.  Look!
Antonio: Oh my God, Olivia! Amaazing! There are colours there that I didn't even know had been invented!
Omfg!
Olivia: I know! I haven't a clue what I'm gonna do, so I'd better go now.
Antonio: And Daryl wants to start blending so it's about to get noisy here!
Me: How do you both  fit it all in? Ok.  Email me and put everything I have to do in writing so that ……… Oh! Gone already? Bye then!

It goes without saying that John mithered me all day about taking my temperature at regular intervals, following last week's encounter with Dave and his Chelsea bun.  He was also on high alert for any coughing in the household. And, after a weekend of doing whatever the hell they wanted, the kids fought me every step of the way on the homeschooling front.

Today's homeschooling timetable


PE - 9am workout while I attended my 'conference'.  I love you Joe Wicks!

So far so good!

Maths - A couple of worksheets emailed by Mr Braithwaite.  This led to a great deal of family tension as the twins insisted that they had NEVER EVEN SEEN this particular type of equation before. While I admitted defeat immediately upon looking at them, John insisted that he knew what he was doing.  This only served to confuse the kids more, leading to them to tell him to go away and not come back while they were trying to think. This of course made him grumpy for the next few hours, muttering about how "Sums had changed since we were at school and not for the bloody better either!" The only person in the house who had any chance of solving the damn equations was Cleo, who is of course perfectly proficient up to GCSE level Maths. She however,  had gone off to the bottom of the garden with her book, giving us all clear instructions not to bother her until it was time for lunch.  Trust me, we all knew better than to challenge that demand!

Needless to say,  after 45 minutes of absolute purgatory around my laptop, I used that well-worn mother's phrase, "Do what you like!" and went in the bath with a packet of Jaffa Cakes.

So school was out by approximately 11 am in this house.  Perhaps I'll email Mr Braithwaite later for a few tips and put in a better effort tomorrow.