Day 29 - Bad Hair Day

"What's with the baseball cap?" John asked. "I thought you said you were gonna embrace your new two-tone hair."

     "I've got a video chat with the girls and it feels a bit like …. you know when you used to get a new haircut in school? I don't think I'm ready for Karen's judgements, if I'm honest."

     "It looks fine."

     "John - can you stop bullshitting me, please? We both know that I have comedy hair. I'll give it a few washes over the next few days and then try to fix it with a different dye before I have to go out of the house again."

     "Well I like it," Molly said, settling down to her schoolwork. "It's like unicorn hair."

     "Thank you," I said, pulling the peak of my cap down a little lower.

"What's with the baseball cap?" Karen asked.

     "Bad dye job."

     "Oh come on, Daisy.  Get it off.  I need a laugh."
     "Not at my expense today, thanks.  Anyway, you were one of the people making me paranoid about my roots, so you're partly to blame. Where's Sarah?"

     "She just messaged to say that she's helping Charlie to cut his toenails. She's on her way," said Vyshali.

     "Ew," said Karen.
     "So what happened with the dye job?" Vyshali asked.
     "I think the Warm Chestnut clung to my highlights. What do I do?"
     "Go darker," Karen said.  "Try to get a medium brown. Damage limitation."
     "No.  Are you mad, Karen? You need to bleach it out," was Vyshali's advice.
     "Oh, I don't know. Sounds a bit radical.  At least I don't have to go anywhere right now."
     "True," said Karen.  "I'm using this opportunity to undertake some little experiments concerning my body hair.  It serves to keep Dave away, if nothing else. Oh here comes Sarah.  Bet she's waxed and plucked to perfection for darling Charlie."
     "Hi girls! What's with the baseball cap, Daisy?"
     "Bad dye job!" the three of us chorused.
     "How are Charlie's toenails?" Karen asked, acid fizzing beneath her words.
     "It's no big deal, Karen," Sarah shot back. "He does things for me too."
     "Really?"
     "Yes. Really, Karen. He's actually just given me brilliant advice on my outfit."
     "Perhaps he could help Daisy out with her hair," Vyshali laughed.
     "He really is a saint," said Karen. "How do you go about getting people canonised in this day and age?"
      "It's lovely to see so many people doing so many things to help in the community isn't it?  We've just had a leaflet through the door with a phone number to contact if we need shopping or anything," said Vyshali.
     "Aren't you secretly worried that someone local saw you coming out of your house and thought you were a pensioner?" I asked.
     "Very funny! Although, I'm so exhausted that I have actually started to shuffle."
     "Just be careful Vyshali.  This thing is bringing all sorts of reptiles out from under their stones, looking to rip people off. They'll be away with your shopping money before you can say 'a pint of semi-skimmed.'"
     "True," said Sarah. "I've just seen something on Facebook about someone terrorising people in my area, prowling about the streets."
     "A crisis like this is a green light for weirdos, unfortunately," said Karen.
     "True," I said. "It brings out the best and worst in society."
     "It's bringing out the worst in my kids," said Vyshali. "I'm gonna need to go into some sort of rehabilitation facility after this."
     "Aren't we all, hun? There are way too many wine bottles in my recycling. I'm considering setting my alarm to move some of them to outside my neighbour's house tomorrow morning. Dave and me are supposed to be pillars of the community.  It doesn't look good, does it?"
     "I know. I doubt this lockdown's done my liver any favours and I can feel the weight creeping on, so we started a health kick today."
     "How's it going?" Sarah asked.
     "Well, let me see ……. the kids hate it and are fighting me every step of the way and I just caught John trying to sneak a Curlywurly into the downstairs toilet, but apart from that, it's a great success. Speaking of which, I haven't got long. They agreed to do some circuit training in the garden at 3."

Circuit Training:

•  John and I had a fight over the stopwatch.
•  John's phone was the first casualty of war and cracked as it hit the patio.
•  Marcus and Molly insisted on doing exercises on the same station at the same time to add more of an element of competition.
•  Within ten seconds of bouncing, they bumped heads on the trampoline.
•  The most energetic thing that Cleo would participate in was putting up a sun lounger.
•  I shouted, "I give up! Do what you like!" at approximately 3.15.

I got over it, without resorting to junk food or alcohol and started preparing a protein-rich vegetarian bolognaise sauce. It looked grim but smelled pretty good. I was quite happy with my progress overall, until …..

     Ffs!

     "John! John!"  I yelled up the stairs, where he'd taken his phone to dismantle in peace.  "Where's all the spaghetti gone?"
     "I told you to get some more when you went shopping.  I made myself a little snack a few days ago."
     "Get some more!  Get some more!  Are you out of your mind, John?  Pasta's like gold dust these days.  Where am I supposed to get ….."
     Hmm.

"Margaret!"  I called.
     Margaret popped straight up from directly behind the fence.
     "Shit!"
     "Are you alright, Daisy?" she asked, disapproval stamped heavily on her face. "Interesting hair, dear."
     "Sorry, Margaret. Excuse my French. Just a bit startled. Didn't realise you were there."  I took a very large step back from the fence in case John was watching me from the window.  I didn't want him wading in and ruining negotiations.
     "I was just pruning the roses. Is everything alright?"
     "Well …. bit of a crisis.  I was wondering if you could spare us a bit of pasta. Just until I get to the shops again.  I've made  a bolognaise and I didn't realise how low we were."
     Margaret looked rather taken aback at this request. "Ooh.  I'd better ask Gordon. Just a moment," she said and scuttled off into the house.
     Ask Gordon???
     She was quite jittery when she came back. "I'm sorry Daisy," she said. "I've just checked and we haven't got any pasta in the house, I'm afraid."
     Hmm .
     "Ok. No problem.  Just thought I'd ask.  You know ….. as I was preparing the children's dinner. You know …… trying to give the children a wholesome meal.  No matter.  I'm sure you'd help us out if you could."
     "Oh, we would Daisy.  How about a baked potato?  That's quite a nice option with bolognaise sauce."
     "Good idea.  Thanks for the suggestion, Margaret." I felt my jaw clenching as I turned to go into the house, leaving my cow of a neighbour to her bloody roses.
     John came in as I was transferring a load of oven chips onto a baking tray. "Really? With vegetarian bolognaise?"
     I raised my eyebrow. "Who ate the spaghetti without discussing it, John?"
     "Why don't you ask Margaret?"
     "Oh I did.  Turns out, they don't have any pasta in the house, which is kind of strange as I saw a whole stack in their kitchen a few weeks ago."
     "Is it possible that they could have eaten it all?"
     "No way.  Remember, I told you they had a mountain of the stuff ? I've seen them at the supermarket since AND I heard them talking the other day.  They said that they had about ten of everything."
     "But pasta? Did they specifically mention pasta?"
     "Why are you sticking up for them, John?"
     "I'm not.  I'm just trying to establish the facts."
     " Do you know,  I heard them say that they said they had forty toilet rolls?"
     "You never said!"
     "I knew you wouldn't be happy, John."
     "I'm not, Daisy. What a pair of selfish bastards. That's the last time I'm lending Gordon my leaf blower! They're dead to me, Daisy.  DEAD!"
     "And to think that I was worried that you'd over-react," I muttered, eyeing the Merlot on a nearby counter.