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Day 69 - Loosening the Grip


I awoke with a knot of anxiety in my stomach. I knew that uncertainty would hang over me until I knew when I was expected to return to the office. This phase of our lives, where we had some sort of control, was coming to a close and protecting each other was about to become much more complicated.
     My anxiety wasn't helped by the sight of John going through our banking. I took a deep breath. "Alright, before you start ……."
     "Why, Daisy? Why do you keep doing this? We're no better off than they are, and you know it!"
     "I've told you all this," I said. "Cup of tea?"
     "Don't use that tactic on me, Daisy."
     Damn! He was on to me!
     "Is she ….. is she blackmailing you or something""
     I let out a little laugh that I knew was unconvincing and our eyes briefly met. Then, Cleo came in and distracted us with a whole new drama.

"Not a chance in hell, Cleo!" John was yelling.
     This was one of the many things that I'd feared when I'd heard the new 'rules'. We'd been going around in circles for half an hour and tempers were flaring.
     "Literally ALL my friends are going!" Cleo shouted. "I'm going whether you like it or not, Dad. You can't stop me!"
     "Just you watch me! I'll have you under lock and key if need be, Cleo. What sort of a father would I be if let you out there to run amok?"
     "I'm not going to run amok. Whatever that is!"
     "There's no need to take the Mick. This is no laughing matter."
     "Do you see me laughing, Dad?"
     "You're sailing very close to the wind now, young lady."
     "What does that even mean?"
     Probably time to intervene, before John ran out of Dad clichés.
     "We all need to calm down now," I said. "Cleo, give us a second please."
      "Talk some sense into him, Mum. Please." She turned on her heels and slammed out of the kitchen.
     "Sit down, please John," I said. "Let me make some coffee or something."
     "I'm not happy about this, Daisy," he said, but sat down in compliance. "It's still too dangerous. What sort of a parent would I be if I let her go running around out there like there's nothing going on?"
     I switched on the kettle. "I'm not suggesting that we do that, but ….."
     "But? Oh come on, Dais."
     "Face it, John. We're gonna have to let her go out at some point. What I'm suggesting is that I ….. we …. talk to her …… set down some ground rules ……. "
     "I really don't think ……"
     "And I really don't think that we have any choice, John."

So it was decided that we'd let the dust settle, then discuss it calmly later. I hoped that it meant that John wouldn't have the stomach for more than one difficult discussion today and if he didn't bring up the subject of the money that I'd been lending Rosie, there was a good chance that it would slip his mind by tomorrow. It had become pretty clear that at some point, I was finally going to have to tell him about something that I'd always preferred to keep buried in my past. Something that it still made me feel sick to remember. I was in no hurry.😟

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