"I'm on a conference call in ten minutes, Daisy. Keep the kids away from me please."
"Says the man who ran through the middle of one of mine in his underpants. You've got a nerve!"
"First of all, Marcus's safety had been seriously compromised that day and secondly, your working environment is a lot more …. relaxed than mine."
"Relaxed?"
"Casual then. I mean, you moan about Olivia but she's quite a good laugh."
"Huh! That idiot's about as funny as herpes!"
"I'm meeting a couple of members of the board of directors of a huge hotel franchise, not a couple of airheads who sell lipstick, so I need to look professional."
"You'd better get a shave then. You look like Worzel Gummidge!"
"He didn't have stubble, did he? Just hair like straw?"
"Grizzly Adams then! Is that better? And we do not sell lipstick!"
"What's wrong with you anyway? You've had a right face on since your meeting yesterday."
"Nothing. Go and get a shave while I bind and gag the kids."
We figured that it would be easier to keep the kids out of the kitchen for an hour than the lounge, so John set up in there. How wrong were we? It took all of eight minutes for the requests for things from the kitchen to start.
"I'm starving, Mum!"
"I left my phone charger in there."
Throughout, my phone had been pinging like hell.
"You had your breakfast an hour ago and you don't need a phone charger for quiet reading, which is what we all agreed we'd do, guys."
"Boring! If we read for ten minutes can we go back on the X Box?"
"I've hidden your controllers. Now, read!"
ANOTHER PING!
"Hypocrite! You're looking at your phone," Cleo said.
"I'm just quickly checking my WhatsApp. I thought you were enjoying 'The Hunger Games'.
"I am."
"Well then. What's the problem?"
WhatsApp Group:
Sarah: What am I gonna do girls? Charlie's a tosser!!!
Vyshali: 😂😂😂 xx
Vyshali: Sorry. I don't get the joke??? xx
Sarah: I'm not joking. I hate the twat! What do I do?
Karen: Is it one of those times when we join in slagging your boyfriend off and then you get back with him and hold it against us forever?
Sarah: Trust me. It's over. He's a bellend!!!
Karen: We got our girl back 🎉🎉
"Holy shit!" I blurted out.
"Mum!" the twins said in unison. "Can we get our controllers now?"
WhatsApp Group:
Me: Holy shit! What's happened?X
Sarah: Long story. What should I do?
"Mum! MUUUUUM! Where are the controllers? I already read five pages!" whined Marcus.
"Liar!" said Molly.
"Just give me a minute, guys." Sarah's was my priority drama for the moment.
WhatsApp Group:
Karen: Boot him out!! Send him back home.
Vyshali:👢👢xx
Sarah: I can't. His parents are shielding!
Me: Can you put him in the spare room?
"MUUUM! The controllers!"
"In the bloody tumble dryer …… and don't disturb your father!" But they were gone before I finished my sentence.
WhatsApp Group:
Sarah: I'm gonna have to but my flat isn't exactly huge. 😒 Gonna be a nightmare girls! X
Vyshali: Poor you! Call me if you need to chat xxx😘
The next thing I knew, I had a domestic situation all of my own to contend with. John was marching the kids into the lounge. "One thing, Daisy! I asked you to do one thing! They were fighting over the X Box controllers."
"She nearly broke it!" Marcus shouted.
"YOU were the one who snatched it off me!"
"Sort them out, please Daisy. There's a lot of money tied up in this project."
"Sorry. I got distracted. Sorry." I'm not normally one to comply so easily but I was pretty sure that my fate was sealed at our firm and we couldn't afford both of us to lose our jobs over disastrous video conferences.
When that P45 came through the door, it wouldn't hurt to have John on side.
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