"The nerve of it! He's just gone into the house with three big bags of shopping!"
John was standing by the window as I came round from a lovely sleep, his fingers pinching a few slats of the blinds together.
"Who? What time is it, for Christ's sake?"
"Bloody Gordon! Three bags!"
I grabbed the alarm clock from the bedside cabinet. "Oh John! It's only 7 o'clock! Come back to bed. There's no need to be up."
He came over to my side and perched himself on the edge. "When you told me about the stock- piling, I thought perhaps they were self-isolating. That maybe they were vulnerable. So I gave them the benefit of the doubt. But this ….. sneaking off to the shops at the crack of dawn, before anyone else can get there. To get the best stuff! I never trusted that bloke, Daisy!"
"I suppose it does seem a bit selfish to go and get even more stuff."
"A mountain of toilet rolls you said? How many, do you reckon?"
"Do we have to do this now John?"
"When you said 'a mountain' what exactly are we talking?"
"Oh I dunno ……. forty, fifty rolls."
"And the other stuff? Pasta you said? Tins?"
"Yeah, tons of them."
"And there's my poor mother - a pensioner - on her last roll. Selfish bastards!"
Catching Gordon 'in the act' seemed to have given John a bit of a purpose for the day. He spent several hours going back and forth to the window giving us all a running commentary. "I've never seen so many joggers! It's like everyone's suddenly training for a marathon. That's the second time I've seen that funny-looking woman from number 8 out walking her dog today."
"Which funny-looking woman?"
"The really short one with the big nose. Got a yappy little terrier thing. Second time around the block and it's only midday. She's taking the piss!"
I told myself that it was nice that he had a hobby. God knows, he certainly wasn't throwing himself into the 'working from home' thing, from what I could see.
WhatsApp group 1.05pm:
Karen: Right. Let's organise a houseparty for 6pm xx
Vyshali: Ok. What do I do? Download something??
Karen: Yep. It's a free app x
Me:👍
Karen: I think you might need everyone's email
Me: Email or phone number?
Karen: Email I think
Vyshali: Oh God! I'm rubbish at all this stuff😭
Me: Get the kids to help.
Karen: What about Sarah? Anyone heard from her today?
Me: I think you just need people's numbers in your contacts.
Karen: Oh yeah. Hang on. It's asking me for a username.
Vyshali:😕
Karen: Ask the kids Vyshali.
Me: I think I'm in.
Me: Oops no. Why's it directing me to Facebook???
Karen: No idea
Karen: I think I've managed to do it. I'll call Sarah and tell her to do it too
Vyshali: Thought I'd done it for a minute
Vyshali: 😭😭
Vyshali: It's all gone wrong
Karen: Get the kids to help you!!!!
Vyshali: They're still in fucking bed Karen!!
Me: No rush. We've got till 6pm
Today's homeschooling timetable
9.08 am - Joe Wicks. We missed the beginning because of an incident between the cat and a now slightly disabled spider.
9.30 - Maths with Carol Vorderman (as Mr Braithwaite is yet to reply to my email).
10.30 till 2pm - Lunch Break
2pm till end of school - I have reintroduced Domestic Science to the curriculum (bedroom tidying).
WhatsApp group 5.55pm:
Vyshali: Yay! I'm ready👍 just poured myself a glass of wine
Karen: Me too. Lol. Even put some slap on xx
Vyshali:🤣
Sarah: OMG girls! You need to delete the app ASAP
Karen: ???
Me: Why?
Vyshali:😭
Sarah: Apparently criminals are using details to hack into people's social media and even online banking!!!😱
Me: Online banking?? How could they do that though?
Vyshali: 😱
Sarah: Just delete!!!
Vyshali: I can't see how to do it!
Sarah: I think we go into settings on our phone. Then houseparty. I'll send a screenshot
Vyshali: Help girls!! It doesn't show it like that one my phone. Shit!!!
Sarah: Do it quickly girls. Your details have been on the system for hours already
Vyshali: 😱
Vyshali: I'll find the kids!!!
Karen: I'm trying to Google how to do it atm
Me: Cleo just said that you click on the app, hold it, then the option to delete will come up x
Karen: It's worked. Tell Cleo thanks xx
Me: She did say it might be fake news though.
Sarah: Suppose it could be🤔
Sarah: Ok. Well we can always do a bit of research then just reinstall tomorrow if it's a hoax xx
Vyshali:😭😭
At least Cleo got some IT practice in today that didn't involve passive scrolling through selfies. Not that I'm especially worried though, as she seems to have discovered a renewed passion for literature. I saw her go into the garden with a copy of 'The Hunger Games' again today. If she sustains enough interest to work her way through the whole trilogy, I'll be thrilled. She used to love books when she was little, so it's lovely to see her reading again.
As my online entertainment for the evening didn't go according to plan, I persuaded John to stop pacing about and watch something other than the neighbours with me. While looking through the titles of box sets and movies that were trending on Netflix, I must say I became a little bit concerned about how this country seemed to have embraced the current situation: 'Z Nation', 'Quarantine', '93 Days', 'The Purge'. I like a scare as much as the next person but these days, I just have to put on News at Ten.
John went into the kitchen to open a bottle of wine and when he came back, he had the kids in tow. He'd dragged all three of them off their devices. We all cosied up on the sofa in front of 'Spongebob the Movie' (yet again). From under his sweatshirt, John pulled out a big tube of Pringles that he'd stashed away after his trip to Tesco Express last week.
Ah! Just for a second, I got a fuzzy feeling inside, knowing that he's not a total knob.
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