Day 24 - Slow Progress

"Seriously Daisy, what's with those roots?"
     "Karen! There's a pandemic going on out there.  People are actually dying.  I'd really rather like you to keep my roots in perspective."
     "True. Sorry hun. Glad to see you've made an effort with the make up.  I can't even seem to muster the strength to brush my teeth.  You're right. The news is beyond depressing and I want to bludgeon Dave to death in his sleep, so what's a bit of regrowth in the scheme of things?"
     "Exactly, Kaz. So …… tell me, how many times a day would you say that you cleanse, tone and moisturise?"
     "A day? Where are the other two?"
     "I told them eleven. So back to your questionnaire, Karen. You said that in the past you've used …… ooh …… I think …… yep …… here comes Sarah."
     A purple square popped up with Sarah's username in it.
     "Hi girls," said Sarah's crotch.  "Hang on. I'll just …… that's better! See me now?"
     "Hi Sarah. Thanks for filling in my questionnaire. It was nice to read one with some sensible answers."
     "If that was a dig at me, mine were sensible," said Karen. "You said to answer honestly."
     "Anyway, let's talk daily regimes. Sarah, you said that you cleanse and moisturise twice a day and occasionally tone if you have a breakout.  Karen, to quote you, "Does it count if ……."
     "Ahh Vyshali!" cried Karen, as Vyshali's fuzzy purple square started coming and going on the screen. "Vysh! Vysh! Vysh!"
     "I don't think she can hear you," said Sarah.
     "Can we get back to ……" I ventured.
     " Vysh! Oh. She's messaging me on WhatsApp. Hang on," said Karen.
     "Girls. I've got to get this done quickly.  I've got a report to write and ……"
     "She's saying she can't get in. Has someone locked the room?" asked Karen.
     "Hang on. How can you tell?"
     "The little padlock at the bottom of the screen, Sarah."
     "I think I just opened it."
     "Try it now, Vyshali," Karen said.  "Hang on! It's still locked.  Someone must have accidentally locked it when they thought they were opening it."
     Ffs!
     "Oops! That might have been me. Try it now," said Sarah.
     Vyshali came into view, though it took me a while to realise that it was actually our normally very attractive, nicely turned-out friend.  "Bloody hell!" said Karen, diplomatic as ever. "Who are you and what have you done with Vyshali?"
     "I'm a broken woman."
     "Oh no. You poor thing, Vysh," Sarah said, her brow knitted in concern. "What's happened this time?"
     "Girls!  Please girls!  I'm sorry.  I really am Vysh, but can we talk about this later?  I'm really up against it and I'm sure that none of you want to see me getting the sack."
     "We'd probably be doing you a favour," Karen muttered. "You're always complaining about that pair of fuckwits that you share an office with."
     "Just …. just work with me!" I snapped, causing them all to express their amusement in some way (slapping themselves on the wrist, putting their fingers to their lips etc). "Can I ask your opinions on whether a serum is something that you would consider buying if ……"
     But Sarah's attention had gone and she was speaking to someone who was positioned just outside of her square, which in turn, caused disturbance to our sound. "Well if you just give me five minutes baby, I'll …...."
     I cleared my throat quite loudly. "So back to the ….."
     "I know my darling but if you just give me ……" Sarah was saying.
     "So ANYWAY …… would any of you consider buying a serum if it promised to smooth out fine lines and wrinkles within twenty eight days?"
     "Fine lines and wrinkles!" Vyshali exclaimed.  "I've gone way beyond that phase. Look at me for Christ's sake!"
     "You look  ..…. lovely." I was aware that I probably didn't sound very convincing. "If there was a serum that could bring light to your skin and ……."
     "Ok.  I'll be right there baby," Sarah suddenly said.
     "Pardon?"
     "Sorry girls.  Charlie's struggling with the coffee machine and I think I'm gonna have to clean it out so that he can get an espresso. He really needs one, bless him.  Can we do this another time, Daisy?"
     And off she popped.  The only one in the group who had anything sensible to say about women's skincare.  I looked from Karen's square (just rolled out of bed and wearing remnants of last weekend's makeup) to Vyshali's square (deep purple shadows under her eyes and bitten fingernails) and there was only one thought in my head: I'm well and truly screwed!