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Day 21 - Mum's Having a Meltdown


"What are you doing?" I asked John, seeing him huddled over the computer, puffing and blowing.
     "Working!" he said, almost indignantly, like it was perfectly obvious what he was doing (even though I'd seen him do bugger all in the way of work since we went into Lockdown).
     "Thank God for that!"
     "So I'd appreciate some peace and quiet please, Daisy.  Could you keep the kids out of the kitchen?"
     "How am I supposed to do that? They haven't had their lunch yet.  Anyway, you've got a damn cheek! You caused mayhem that time when I was in a video conference with my colleagues.  All because the postman had delivered your bank statement."
     "For good reason, Daisy."
     Last night's chat had no impact then!
     "I'm not being awkward John, but you've done nothing for weeks, then you choose to launch into it on Easter Bank Holiday!"
    "What's the difference?  You keep saying that time has lost it's significance."
     "I suppose.  It's just …….. "
     "Just what?" he snapped, impatiently.
     "Oh never mind. Forget it!"
Bank Holiday's obviously cancelled then.

Today was the day that I realised how badly things had fallen apart in our house over the past three weeks.  We'd given up on the Joe Wicks workouts over a week ago, the twins choosing to sleep in in the mornings.  Homeschooling had become more haphazard.  I told myself that I'd email Mr Braithwaite  again when the Easter holidays officially came to an end. The house was far from spotless, even though I didn't have the excuse of a job. In a nutshell, I was feeling like enough of a loser BEFORE I looked in the mirror. This just put the tin fucking lid on it!
     "There are going to be a few changes around here!" I announced to the kids, probably quite aggressively, if their faces were anything to go by.  It was a rare thing to get Marcus to look up from a game of Fifa and close to impossible distracting Cleo from her Instagram scrolling ordinarily. "You have FIVE minutes to finish whatever the hell it is you're doing and then you're all going to tidy your rooms. I am going out for a run!"
     "Yeah, right!" said Cleo, turning back to her phone.
     "I don't know why you're so surprised.  I can run."
     "Well don't go running past the houses of anyone I know and embarrassing me, Mum.  Keep away from Callum's street or I'm going to literally die!"
     She knows it drives me nuts when she uses that word!

I'm gonna be upfront here and say that I had more than a slight suspicion that John wouldn't approve of my run and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't take advantage of the fact that he was occupied by work. I left via the front door, closing it quietly behind me.  It was lovely to be out in the world which was so peaceful and awash with spring sunshine …… at first.
     Within five minutes, I remembered why I hated running around the streets.  There were inclines everywhere that you didn't notice when travelling by car.  One might even go as far as to describe them as small hills. I was also reminded of the fact that when you start running at your front door, you get yourself into a situation where you can't go back too soon, for fear of losing face if the neighbours had seen you leave.  I could just imagine Margaret and Gordon or Grumpy Aging Biker sniggering to themselves, "Huh! Knew she wasn't up to it.  You've only got to look at the state of her."
     I staggered back to the front door after about half an hour's punishment (which I thought respectable enough, timewise) probably looking like some bashed-up, mangled old chicken.  As I paused on the doorstep to take a swig of water and to attempt to regain some modicum of control over my breathing, I felt eyes on me from a window.  It was worse than any sniggering neighbours - John!

     "Have you taken leave of your senses, Daisy?"
     "It was just a run.  As a citizen of this country, I'm legally allowed one form of outdoor exercise a day and since I can't go to the gym …."
     "Huh! Gym indeed!"
     "I go to the gym …. sometimes."
     "You're the only person I know who takes a book to the gym with you.  Even then, you're back within the hour AND you've usually called into the shops on the way home."
     "Well perhaps I don't like to make a big song and dance of it like SOME people.  I just get in, get it done and get out."
     "It's too risky to go running around the streets, Daisy.  I can't believe you'd be so irresponsible as to do it."
     "I promise you John, I didn't go anywhere near anyone."
     "But why Daisy?  Why did you go behind my back and do such a thing?"
     I don't know if I was still lightheaded because of the exercise but I felt a wave of something  hitting me.  I slumped down on the sofa and lost complete control of my emotions.  "John ….. look at me.  I'm a state.  I'm getting fat, the house is a shit-hole, the kids are turning into …. layabouts and …. and now …. now you're disappointed in me," I blubbed.
     John danced about awkwardly on the spot before realising that he should probably just give me a hug and tell me that I wasn't fat and that everything was ok, a few times over.
     "Let's try to make some changes, shall we?" I sniffed.  "Get the kids moving, exercise as a family, do their schoolwork with them, eat more healthily ….."
     "Ok love. Whatever you want.  We were supposed to be having a lamb roast dinner tonight though  ……. for Easter.  There's jam rolly-polly. I was hoping we could have it with some custard."
     "Well …... we'll start tomorrow ….. obviously."
     "Ok. Yeah.  Cup of tea?"
     "Lovely."
     "Custard cream?"
     "Go on then."😉


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