Day 23 - Getting Under My Skin

WhatsApp Group Chat:

Sarah: Nice Easter everyone?
Karen: No.
Sarah: Oh!  Why not? Is everything Ok? 😂😂
Karen: To listen to Dave slurping the fondant filling out of a cream egg is to be in the depths of hell!!
Me: 😂😂
Vyshali:😂😂😂
Karen: I'm not even joking girls.  What about you??? Please tell me someone shares my pain!
Vyshali: I'm sleep deprived girls😴Kids were up till 4 am making ticky tock videos or something 😭
Sarah: Well Charlie and I had a great Easter❤
Karen: 🤮
Me: There's always one!!
Vyshali: 😂😂😂
Me: Anyway, never mind Easter.  I need to ask you some serious questions girls.
Karen: What's happened? Has John been caught flashing again?
Vyshali: 😂😜
Sarah: What's this???
Me: Nothing. Questions about your skincare regimes girls!!!
Karen:😭
Karen: I don't think I washed my face since Easter Sunday!
Me: It's an emergency.  If I email you questionnaires, could you answer them honestly then we could perhaps do a houseparty tomorrow to talk about them??
Karen: Honestly??
Me: Just do it Karen.  I'm up sheet creek.
Vyshali: Sheet!😂😂😂
Me: Sorry. Typo. Shit creek.  I'm definitely in the shit atm!!😱

I was afraid to even think about what was going on in in the rest of my house while I was holed up in my bedroom, engaged in what was an exercise in damage limitation at best. Getting my brain around such trivial matters as exfoliation and luminosity posed to be far too difficult for my foggy, lockdown brain.  In fact, being forced to do so against my will, stirred up strong feelings of resentment which in turn, led to feelings of irrational rage. I was wasting an afternoon coming up with a fucking pointless questionnaire, asking fucking stupid questions and emailing them to my fucking irritated friends. I also had to fill in about twenty of the bastard things myself, complete with false names, just so that my 'research' was thorough enough to satisfy Olivia. What was I doing with my life?  I mean …. really??
     I was just completing the section on eye cream preferences on behalf of 25 year-old Amelia Postlethwaite, when I heard an almighty row downstairs. What the hell had the cat brought in now?
     It seemed that I was too quick to judge the poor cat.  Marcus was having the meltdown from hell and from where I was standing, it looked like John was having a good go at upstaging him.
     "I can't believe how SILLY you're being, Marcus.  It's only a game for God's sake!" John shouted.
     "It's NOT only a game!" Marcus shouted back. "I was winning before the stupid Wifi went.  There's too many people on it.  Why have we got such rubbish Wifi in this house?"
     "Stop yelling, Marcus!" John yelled.. "I'll take the bloody X Box off you if you don't pack it in."
     "It's not fair!" Marcus booted the footstool. "Argh.  My foot! MY FOOT!"
     Molly added to the appalling racket by bursting into tears, very, very loudly.
      John was turning purple. "DON'T YOU DARE DO THAT AGAIN, MARCUS!"
     "Tell Mummy or Cleo to get off it, then I'll stop shouting!"
     "I'm warning you, young man."
     "No way am I getting off, you little rat!  You're on that thing all the time. Going on my phone is the only time that I get to speak to actual people," Cleo had been flushed out of her room by the furore.
     "Mum! MUM!" Marcus screamed.
     Why was it always Mum, ffs??
     "What the hell's going on down here? I'm trying to work!"
     "When will you be finished?" Marcus whinged.
     "I don't know."
     "Well, roughly?  My game's been messed up cos of the rubbish Wifi in this house."
     "I just said, Marcus.  I don't know."
     "Ten minutes?"
     "Are you joking?"
     "Twenty?"
     "I said I DON'T BLOODY KNOW! Just .... just leave me to work in peace.  I'm doing important work up there.  I'm dealing with really important ….. stuff."
      "Pfwah."
      "You just couldn't resist, could you John?" From the expression on his face, I could tell that he knew that with that little sound alone, he'd crossed the line.  "I'm glad that my job is such a joke to you.  That makes me feel great.  Thanks very much!" I turned on my heels and exited.

Things did quieten down for a while, so they must have all sensed the danger.  Just as well, as the responses that started coming in from my questionnaire did nothing to improve my mood. If those girls didn't deliver on Houseparty tomorrow, I was gonna have to do some serious bullshitting on Friday.